Philo(A Pidgin English Story)

©Tobenquincy

“Ochuko! You no go comot for that bed?” I hear Milleh say.

“Chai Milleh don start this early mor-mor again with her wahala. Why she dey shout my name like say I kill person?” I squeeze face.

“Eight don nak o, you no dey go work today.”

“Milleh I no dey go park today, I get somewhere wey I wan go,” I say as I comot for bed.

“Me I don dey go shade o, abeg help me branch Iya Seki place when you dey come back.”

“Milleh I don hear.”

Ah! Milleh too dey disturb, if e no be Iya Seki then na Baba Soji.

Well that one no be the koko now, this morning no just feel like other mornings sha. I still never recover from the kine shock wey “Philo” my crush give me yesterday for park. As she come back from Varsity yesterday and her driver no turn up on time, I come help am carry her load for my wheel barrow, free of charge, to where she enter cabbie. Chai! I still never recover from the kine smile wey she nak me after I don help am finish that yesterday. The thing come dey burst my bololo, I come summon courage ask am out.

But instead, she invite me make I come the Gbedu wey she dey throw this morning.

“Chai! Dreams dey come true sha” – na wetin I tell myself as I dey wash mouth.


“Ochuko!” I hear person shout my name.

“Who be that Sheku?” I know who e be.

“Ochuko na me you dey call Sheku? You no get Iroro o.”

“Come wey you, Akpos dey knock my door before you enter my house o, no dey take say you be my paddi dey misbehave o.” I laugh.

“Ochuko you be wrong number, come o, na that omilla you dey wash mouth like this for so?”

Akpos na my correct paddi, we dey do wheel barrow business together but sometimes e dey like to dey yarn Opata.

“Akpos I don warn you many times, no dey call that girl Omilla, ‘Philomena’ na her name.”

“Abeg, that one wey you go call Philo, she go come bend mouth one side like Lionel Messi leg, come say ‘My name is Phil, understood?’ I don tell you Ochuko, that girl na correct Orosco, you no dey see the kine men wey dey drop am off everytime.” Akpos roll eyes before sitting down.

“Akpos no make me parasee for you this early mor-mor,” I pause, turn around to face am then continue, “I don tell you no dey yab that babe like that. E get wetin I go do you na, you go vamove from here. Your life don kpafuka finish, you no go mind your business.”

“Gerrat! Na your own life wey kpafuka,” he reply come add, “see Buluku wey you wan wear go that kine Gbedu. See your trouser! Mr. Gbogbo. I don tell you o, una no dey the same lane. You be kpako ni.”

“Akpos, you know say you be Mr. Jaguda. You see all these Opata wey you dey yarn so, I no just get your time today.”

“Ochuko see your life, Okoro! Abeg make I go find something wak before I go park. As you no wan listen to my advice make I waka, later things na.”

“Zab from here jarey! Oversized Sheku.”
I close door as the Wacko comot. I come discover say Ten don already nak and Philo tell me say the Gbedu go start by Ten O’clock.

“I better start to dey go now before I go enter there and everyone go dey look me like dondi” – na wetin I yarn myself as I lock door.”


“Iya Susu.”

“Ochuko, Ochubobo.”

“You get hot Akara?”

“I go slap you now if you ask me that kine question again, you don forget who Iya Susu be, you know say my Akara no dey cold.”

“Hahahaha, Iya Susu! Oya package two hundred naira own for me.”

For my Zanga, Iya Susu na the Queen for Akara business. People dey come from far place come patronize am, even rich people, they no dey joke with her Akara. I know say Philo go happy if I get am some of these Akara.

“Ochuko, your dressing dey kpakam today o, you dey go Gbedu?” She look me up and down in admiration.

“Yes o, my chick dey throw correct Gbedu today, na she even get this Akara wey I dey buy so. You know say your Akara dey like Gold for this area.” I smile.

“Hahahaha! Ochubobo! I don add Jara o but make I add extra.”

“Chai! Iya Susu! The thing don Yankpa o, Iya I dombaleh for you. Oya na, Make I waka. I wan slab reach there before but I go enter maruwa now because I don late.”

Iya Susu na my personal person, sometimes I dey help am carry bag of beans for free with my wheel barrow.

“Ochubobo oya na.” She wave at me.


As I reach the Gbedu I come discover say eleven don nak. See the kine music wey dey blast everywhere, every muscle for person body fit hear this one. Different kind of big guys and girls just dey come down from different kind of correct cars. I see Philo as she dey welcome them one after the other.

“Chai! see Atarodo” – na wetin I talk as I stand there with nylon of Akara for hand, dey look am like dondi. She no even see me.

I no just know wetin happen, shame come dey catch me, I com dey hesistate to enter. Maybe Akpos dey right after all, I no reach this kine level. Sometimes I just dey wish say my Pilleh dey alive, maybe things for turn out different for me. But I know say I still fit achieve something because “my destiny dey my hands” as my Milleh dey always say.

Well, no be person tell me say make I vamove from that Gbedu go wak my Akara.


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